Lately in my life I have been realizing that the people who you thought would always be there wont be. I guess this is a learning experience that all must go through as they graduate to adulthood but, it is not an easy one. I think it is sad that all of a sudden someone who most of your teenage memories include (good and bad) isn't really a part of your life anymore. This for me has been a hard pill to swallow.
At the moment I am sitting here and I miss this person, even though I really shouldn't be because honestly, they haven't given me any reasons to. And, it isn't like they care about me one bit. So, why do I care so much?
We made all these promises to each other as kids as we fantasized about how our lives would be when we grew up and got married and had babies, and now that I have done those things, where are those promises? Now, I am not so naive to think that all of those things would come to fruition but as I am going through all of these changes I miss this childhood friend who promised as a young girl to always stick by my side. I'm not going to say that I have been the perfect friend because I haven't. I haven't always been there and I haven't always been supportive but who is at that age? I never thought I would be missing out on one of the biggest days of her life. It breaks my heart but, I guess that is what happens in life...heartbreak.
I look at Roland and he is ten years older than me and barely friends with anyone he was friends with at my age. That scares me. I hate losing friends and I have a really hard time making new ones, which by the way was never a problem in my youth. I don't want to lose my closest friends and I pray that I don't. As we make those promises to each other to always be there, I hope that we have created a bond where that is possible. I hope I am now a friend who can make good on that promise. I don't want to have to look through pictures ten years from now and think "I wonder what happened to them".
I love all of you
Chels
1 year ago
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