Breastfeeding Terrors

One of the things I've had the hardest time with is breastfeeding. Even though I didn't have some of the problems that moms can have such as latching issues I just did not like it at all, and that is putting it nicely.I felt so bad for hating it because, as a mother, wasn't I supposed to enjoy the closeness and nurturing that breastfeeding brought to my child and my relationship? Unfortunately I was not getting that feeling and I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I would actually watch shows where moms were feeding their children formula and look on through jealous eyes. When formula commercials came on I would look at them and want to switch so bad, sometimes I would even cry. But, I just couldn't bring myself to switch for some reason. R would always say that we should, and that it wasn't that big of a deal, but to me it was. Maybe it was everyone telling me that it wasn't actually easier. You see I asked a whole bunch of my friends who are moms and got a ton of advice, even my own mother had tried both (I'm adopted so she had to bottle feed me however, my brother is biological so he was breastfed.) That, by the way, is another reason I just couldn't up and switch. I have a horrible immune system and I am convinced it is because I wasn't breastfed meaning I missed out on those antibodies that help with immune systems. Some of the advice I got really helped. One of the things that stuck the most was to give myself goals such as: 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and so on. So, today I find myself two days away from my 6 week goal. And, surprisingly I don't hate it anymore. I still don't love it, and some days I still want to switch to bottles (like this week when Joseph was going through his growth spurt and either eating, sleeping, or crying.) But, I persevered and now sometimes I even enjoy it. Yes, thats right, enjoy it! 
Becoming a mom has taught me a lot about myself. I never knew I could be this patient or that I could stick with something for this long even though I hated it. When I was younger I would watch my mom do things (let's be honest, everything) for us children. She even did all these things when she was sick. And, I never thought I could do that...I'm not a very happy sick person you see. But now I know that I can because if I can make it through and keep on breastfeeding, I can do anything.
Mom